


You Should Have Seen It

by pencilguin



Series: Fictober 2018 [13]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Gen, Monologue, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 13:45:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16641294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: [Spoilers for season 1] Tilly recounts and reflects on what happened during her first year on the Discovery.





	You Should Have Seen It

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr as part of the Fictober 2018 challenge. Unbeta'd; I apologize for any mistakes that might still be in there. 
> 
> Content warnings: mention of character death, mourning. Also this is a little sad.

Hey daddy! Hi. I’m—I’m so sorry it took me so long, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be here for your birthday. I—um, I brought you flowers, so—so, I’m just—I’m just gonna put them right here, okay? 

_(Shakes head.)_

Of course it’s okay … 

_(Laughs nervously.)_

I’m sorry, you know me, I’m just … 

_(Takes a deep breath.)_

Okay, so, the reason why I couldn’t make it—I’m sure you know it already, because you’re brilliant, of course … I was assigned to a starship! And I know last year for your birthday I told you I was going to be on the USS Farragut, but then something else came up and—can you believe it, daddy? Starfleet changed their mind and I was assigned to the USS Discovery instead! At the personal request of Paul Stamets, _that_ Dr. Paul Stamets, whom I’ve been writing all this time and whose work I’ve admired for years! He—he actually asked for me to be assigned to his research team! So you can imagine my excitement when I heard the news! 

So—anyway, so we took off, to do all this top secret scientific research on the fringes of the Klingon War, and we did all kinds of stuff, and had all kinds of adventures, and I learned _so_ much! From being around all these officers, especially from Commander Saru, and even from Captain Lorca, even though he … well, I guess he’s not exactly the best role model for how to be a good Starfleet captain … But I know I’m gonna get there one day! 

And that’s not all! Daddy, I met the most amazing person in the world there. I had heard of her, of course, but she was nothing like I imagined her at all. She was so much more. Her name is Michael, and … daddy, I think I’ve finally found a friend. I mean, a _real_ , true best friend. The kind of friend I’ve always dreamed of having. And I’m so happy. You were right all along, even when I didn’t believe you. I hope we can be friends forever. And she’s such an inspiration. She’s incredibly smart, and she has to be the greatest first officer I have ever met, and she is going to be an amazing captain one day. I aspire to be as good as her. She saw me for who I was, awkward and nervous and talking too much, and she didn’t reject me. I told her that I’m going to be a captain, and she didn’t laugh—she smiled. She’s been giving me guidance and advice and she’s making me see what I can achieve if I do my best. I hope I can introduce you to her one day. I’m sure the two of you would hit it off. 

And I know I was supposed to be on the Discovery for about a year, before I graduate the academy, and then I would have been back home in time for your birthday—but instead, the craziest things happened! You probably wouldn’t believe it, except I know you’ve always believed me, and you’ve always believed in me. 

_(Takes a deep breath.)_

We traveled to another universe! Like a parallel universe! With other versions of Earth, and Vulcan, and Qo’noS, and other versions of _ourselves_! And they—they were _evil_ versions, and I don’t know if you can imagine what it’s like to find out about an evil version of yourself, but—it was so weird, and so surreal. And I had to pretend to be the evil me for a while, and straighten my hair and wear all black and gold and be rude to people and—daddy, I had to pretend to be an _evil starship captain_ , and it was … 

_(Voice breaks off, lips tremble.)_

I don’t want to become that. Ever. It made me so scared of what—of who I could be, seeing the worst possible version of myself that could exist … 

_(Voice steadies.)_

But we made it back. And we tore down the evil empire, and a—a few of the friends we made along the way got hurt, or we—or we lost them … 

_(Sniffs.)_

And then we got lost on the way back for a while. But we found our way back home. And then we ended the war with the Klingons, peacefully, and saved the day. 

Crazy, isn’t it? I still have to pinch myself at least once every day. 

They even gave us all those fancy medals, all of us that made it back. It was a really big and fancy ceremony. You should have seen it. Michael gave a fantastic speech. She was reinstated, too, and everyone got a promotion. And that also means I have officially finished Starfleet academy and am now an ensign! And Commander Saru got me on the command training program, so now I am also officially on my way to becoming a captain, one day. 

But anyway—that’s why I came back home late. But I know you’ll understand, because you always do, you always have, all my life. 

In a few days I’ll return to the Discovery and then we’re going to take off again, and I will keep working for Dr.—Lieutenant Commander Stamets, and I will get to spend more time with Michael, and we will boldly go where no-one has gone before and explore new worlds and do science and learn and grow. I’m going to become the scientist you always knew I would be, and I’m going to be a captain like I promised you. And I’m … 

_(Sniffs.)_

I miss you so much, daddy. I know it’s been ten years, but there’s not a single day that goes by that I don’t think of you, and wish I could hear your voice or see your face. I wish I could ask you for advice and tell you about my day. I wish— 

_(Sobs.)_

I wish I could see you be proud of me, because I know you are. 

_(Sobs quietly for some time.)_

We’ll be taking off in three days. I—I hope I can visit you at least one more time before I leave. I will always love you, daddy. I’m giving you a hug in spirit. Please watch over me. Bye-bye, daddy. 

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who leaves any comments on my works: Thank you so much, they make me happier than you can imagine. And if I don’t respond to them it’s because I’ve used up all the words on my writing and all I’m left with is feelings I can’t articulate. <3


End file.
